Woke up this morning to more problems and it really kind of spoiled my day a little. Then made a decision to spend the day at my second favorite place. When I called my mom she was confused why I wanted to go over today, because today was "Dave-day", as she put it. I think she caught the hesitation in my voice, then she said something that made me laugh but both she and I knew was impossible.. But that's what I love about her. She knows when something's bothering you, and tries to make light of the situation, and she does a pretty good job.

Been feeling poorly lately.. I know I didn't do a good job of erm, basically trying not to be myself. But I am trying my best to understand and to "ren".. Bear with me please ><

Had a nice lunch with my parents. My dad told me that my mom bought a nice Resling white wine for me to try tomorrow. Watching a documentary show on cars with him now.. The Mazda MX-5 was featured and I told him it was my favorite car, but he said erm, well a lot of technical terms which I hardly understood. But I caught the bottomline, which is, it's not a good car =x

I need to go shopping soon.. Buy router and mp3 also. I don't like using my phone mp3, because its bulky with low memory and it uses up the battery very fast.

Got to go finish up my study plan and to start on reading up for my presentation on the 30th Nov. Warming up to my classes now. I guess the reason I felt stressed was because I didn't do my reading before classes this week.

WHAT A LOUSY DAY IT WAS YESTERDAY.

Actually not really la, just that a lot of small things went wrong which accumulated and made me really irritable.

Started by not being able to get the tutorial time slot that I wanted, so Monday has become a 13 hour day for me. Went home during the 3.5 hr break. I was sooo looking forward to putting on CSI so I can relax but not fall asleep at the same time. Then! My remote control is lost. Then I couldn't import songs into my mp3 which really pissed me off..

I went to activate my JCU email and the online learning database. But! I did everything correctly and the password change was successful but the database rejected my login! And I know that it takes 3-4 blasted weeks to get a new password from the AU campus.

Dragged my feet back to school at 645pm and actually heard dogs howling. In my mind was, "see! This is how bloody late this lecture is". But luckily the 7pm-10pm lecturer is really funny, so that kept me awake.

I was looking forward to the long trip home because there are only 3 things that make me feel better and getting lost in my music was one of them. But when I switched on my mp3 it's empty. I was thinking, this seriously cannot be happening..... I think while I was trying to import songs, somehow along the way all my data got wiped off.

Kept myself busy with my phone games, and consoled myself that I could use my phone's external memory and use it as an mp3. Then! My computer couldn't detect the SD card. Then Dave say it's driver problem.

I woke up this morning feeling good about today, then I heard thunder. ARGH. JCU is out to get me.

It's just the first class and already I feel SO TIRED! And the lecture halls make me miss Temasek Poly's.. JCU's is so uncomfortable and hard to see. And people keep talking throughout the lecture. Rwar.

I really wish to God I didn't have to go back again later for another class. Which means I gotta take a super early dinner at 6pm. Talk about not eating regularly... Spent $189 on textbooks! Oh gawd.. And including my driving... I'm broke beyond broke this month.. All my past months' hard savings gone like that T.T

My tiredness makes me wish I was listening to that guitarist at wala wala where I was last night....

My day was very long yesterday. My parents picked me up at around 2pm and I went shopping with them. What caught me off guard was that my mom decided to buy the Samsung Pixon M8800 for me. I never even dared consider that phone because the price was off the charts and I simply didn't want to spend that much on a phone. But we came across a good deal and she just bought it on the spot.

Went grocery shopping then back to my parents' place. My younger sister did the cooking this time, and we had pork chops and chicken cordon bleu. My older sister was missing this time. It seems so hard to have our family together and just family. Always got one friend here and there or they aren't even present.

At 9pm I went to meet Darren and then he drove us to this place called wala wala at Holland V. I never been there before, and I also found it weird that he would want to meet after 5 years of not seeing each other.

He ordered this beer called Krounenbourg and I liked it a lot. We spent the night remembering old times at my secondary school. I was laughing like mad, because he helped me remember a lot of things that I've long forgotten. Also the Chiang Mai trip we had. I'm starting to recall those days and I'm glad I met him.

We went upstairs to listen to the live acoustic band. Oh man I instantly fell in love with one of the guitarists' voice when he sang Stay by U2. I went home and dled the song but I really preferred it when the guitarist sang it. I guess we will always prefer the first version we heard it in because that's what makes us like it.

It was really fun when we recognized the songs that they played, and also when we listened to new songs and find that we like them. Oh rats, I feel like going back there. Nothing like a nice beer with nice music.

Oh! At the table next to ours, I saw a couple of my sec 3 classmates -_-|| They were people I was fine with not meeting again after graduating ==

This never fails to make me laugh. Seen it about 5 times already.

Xav should see this, I think he'll get a laugh out of it too.

Countdown?

9 HOURS.

Today is public holiday -.-

Been looking up routes from my school to get to places. I found one to get from my school to BBDC since I got days that I have 5 and a half hour breaks. Screwed up timetable. And the school is so hard to get to. Can't wait to sit in the miiiiniiiii coooopeeeeeerr. I haven't seen it in the flesh yet though. lol.


I guess I can say I've given up. On that bond I tried so desperately to hang on to in the past one year. But to wanna hang on to someone who doesn't care less, I guess in the end I'm the one at the losing end. Perhaps this is how she feels as well, but wanting someone who doesn't want you is just pointless.

I know I said I can't wait for school to start, but now I JUST DREAD IT. Seeing my timetable just makes me more and more sian of school. The countdown is now: 4.





....





Holy shit.

It was a good day for me.

In the early evening, Jason came over with Steve to hand me the water my mom purchased. It was a long time since I saw Steve and I didn't really recognize him at first. Made me miss the people at ve.

Mom had invited me over for dinner yesterday, but couldn't make it so it was postponed today. My dad bought some steak and it's been a long time since I had dinner with them. I went over and Gab cooked the steaks and hamburger that my mom was having. All I did was watch and prepare the mushroom soup.

It was delish. I had steak, baked beans, veg salad, mushroom soup and garlic bread with red wine. Wooh. We joked and talked and I had a great time.

My dad taught me how to operate his camera, then he showed me pictures of his new car! It's erm, a blue mini cooper that he bought for us to use, but since I didn't get my license yet, he's using it first. Oh man. It's soooooo beautiful. It's navy blue with a black soft convertible top, with brown leather seats outlined with white. Omggggg. I can't wait to drive it. It'll be handy when I can drive myself to school.

Stayed a couple of hours later. I had a heart-to-heart talk with my mom. Mostly about relationship, both past and present. She asked a lot of questions about Dave, which I was confused why at first, then I realized that she was just afraid I'd make the same mistake again. Well, being in the first few months of a relationship, I've had the misfortune of being blinded by love before and not seeing what's important.

I guess now she's just being on the safe side and looking out for me.

Watched the ending of a couple of movies, one being a werewolf one. I hate those kind of movies.. Sure it's fun to watch but I had a dark and quiet walk ahead of me. I can be a fearless person when watching the movie, but after that I become a wuss. I try to go home early when I go over there, but it's hard ><

Traded in my Korea 21st-birthday trip for a phone. Deciding between Samsung S8300 and the INNOV8. I wanna choose this one properly, I don't want to end up with something that I end up not liking. Plan to use the next phone I get for a long time.

If not for this stomachache I'd be at my mom's place now licking chocolate off my fingers.

Had planned to go over to her place and bake some brownies for my baby. I've been toying with that idea ever since I found out he likes chocolate. But of course for myself I don't need any chocolate because my life now is incredibly sweet with him around =D Okay whatever!

I just finished reading The Calhoun Women by Nora Roberts, so I guess that's why I'm feeling a little romantic now. Lol..

Anyway his exams start and end tomorrow, which is the day that I've been looking forward to. So I thought I'd give him a treat. He's been studying so hard and I've been trying not to think that it'll be me putting my nose to the grindstone soon.

2 more weeks. I can feel my freedom slipping away from beneath my fingers.

It was a busy day for me.

I had an impromptu lunch with Xav at 12pm, we went to Novena Square 2 to have my fave Korean at Seoul Yummy. We had bibimbab, spicy beef soup and spicy octopus. Oh, so good. Xav and I loved the bibimbab especially. I love to eat there, although I can only go sparingly because of the prices.

And I'm in love with the Oceanus perfume! Can't stand itttttttt.. Going to get it soon ><

Had to rush back home after that, because at 430pm was my youngest aunt's registration of marriage. Went over immediately to my parents' place, because I had absolutely zilch to wear, and my dad said no jeans.

Tried on countless dresses! When I looked in the mirror, all that was on my mind was "oh god", and not in a good way. I dumped the idea of trying to wear a dress, and just went home and throw on a nice top with black pants and heels. Luckily I didn't look too bad. Although I got pretty down because I wasn't a lady at all even at 20. I didn't even have a skirt at home, and I only had jeans and shorts in my cupboard. Shopping soon! For clothessss and also some balls to wear them ==

My dad picked me up and we went to Fort Canning. The registration took what, 10 mins? My aunt almost giggled because she could barely hear the registrar's slur. And they changed it from "I do" to "I will".

And after the registration, my aunt told my mom to enjoy it while she's there, because she won't be coming back for a while as next in line to get married were me and my sisters. Then my mom pointed at me. Oh gg. Talk about pressure! But what made me happy was that my parents seemed to be warming up to Dave. My mom was telling my dad things about him at dinner.

All except my uncle's family went to my parents' place for tea before the dinner. Dinner was at Orchard Hotel. I was seated with my parents and sisters with my new uncle's children. Marriage came up again, and my mother once again embarrassed me by saying I was getting married next year. I was having a bit too much to drink already, and I just blinked at her and said not so soon.

Had my first taste of red wine! I was downing the white by the glass because I rarely had the chance to drink such nice wine. Before the red was served, I got pretty red and a little tipsy. But after I stood up I was alright again, and my dad complimented that I'm a good drinker. Good to hear that! I've always thought I couldn't drink for nuts.

I overheard my mother saying she knew my new uncle for 30 over years. I was shocked, then asked my sisters about it. Turns out he was in the same year as my parents in SAJC! He was in the next class from my mother, and could hear her laughing from there. Lolol. He even said she was notorious in her JC years xD Such a small world. My mom was also telling me all the good food they eat at their place. I was happy for them but there was a tinge of utmost sadness and my heart sank because I wasn't there.

I really had a lot of fun with my family. They all have such a good sense of humor that it's never boring to be around them. And it broke my heart when my dad and I were alone and he told me he knew I was lonely and unhappy that I was away from my twin sister, and he told me to ackowledge that feeling instead of suppress it like my sister.

I really miss them, and it shows on my face. When we meet up for extended family occasions, I always seem to chat non-stop with my mom and sisters. My uncle's family even asked if I was inseparable from my sister. That was when my dad talked to me about her.

I love my family very much, and although I'm happy to have my independence from them at an early age, I still miss them every day. Well, we'll be together again at my aunt and uncle's wedding next month. 28th I think. Yeah.

Damn. My hearts aches so damn bad when I think about those four most important people in my life.

I suddenly feel like writing something here.

Been feeling unwell since the time I had the food poisoning. I can't remember the last time I feel fine. Things haven't been going well with a couple of my friends either. Blew my top at Sher the other day. I don't know why I got so mad then. Hearing the abuse whatshisname is putting her through should be old news to me, but I just get heated up whenever I hear the things he does, and I get even more mad when she isn't doing anything to get out of it.

Going out with me is deemed as a privilege that he thinks he's giving her. No one needs a special privilege to go out with friends. Especially someone who she knows for 6 years. It's not like we go clubbing and meet guys and get wasted.. We do normal things like have dinner and shop and bake and just hang out. I mean, I wanna spend time with her but I don't want to cater to his every whim and fancy as and when he likes. We can plan to go out for lunch and dinner but he can just demand that she goes home straight away. He doesn't care about her or my feelings and she just complies..

You should hear the things he says.. When she tells me, my mind is absolutely blank.. Totally blank. A classic example of speechless. You can't even begin to wonder how can this guy's thinking and mind possibly be this warped. I thought I've had my share of emotional blackmail from my past relationship, but this seriously takes the cake.

It's putting a pretty obvious strain on the friendship and I don't know how I'm going to be able to continue listening to all the shyt he's putting her through, and put up with him spoiling a day I've put aside for her. I even feel so damn guilty when Dave calls and I'm smiling when I'm talking to him. She looks at me and smiles but I know she's feeling damn hurt inside. What's the difference? We are both talking to someone we love who loves us too, but why is she crying and why am I laughing.

I'm taught not to try to persuade people to do things that they don't want to, and to leave what they want to change up to them to decide. And things have come to the point that I can only stand at the side and watch.

I know I've said things that were harsh and hurt her. It's been on my mind since then. But I can't say that I don't meant them. For me, it's like watching a man beat up his wife and she can only endure it, only worse because he's beating her up from the inside out and they're not even married and already he's being this way and she's doing squat to put herself out of this misery.. What will happen next time? It's only a matter of time that I'll seriously turn and face the other way.

It's 0035 in the night and I'm craving Korean food =/

Have been mood-swinging these few days too. Those I talk to felt the brunt of it. Don't know, feeling very aaargh lately.

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